My mother and father are
normal weight, my brother is normal, and my sister….tall, thin and
beautiful. 95% of my cousins could be models. And me? I’m short, small
breasted and overweight. For the longest time I felt like I was an
embarrassment to my family because of the way I looked. I remember
having to go cloths shopping with my mother and sister and just being so
upset that I didn’t fit in to anything that was popular with my ago
group. Having to go to the other part of the store to find something
that would fit me and to have them just standing there, watching me with
their pile of beautiful clothes, while I have maybe one thing that may
looks good. I stopped shopping with them as soon as I could. When I
tried talking to my mother about this, she told me to get over it that
it was all in my head. That’s the problem! IT’S IN MY HEAD! I remember
her talking to her friend about how beautiful my sister is and how she
didn’t understand why my sister didn’t try to be a model. I don’t
remember my mother ever saying that I was pretty.
Very soon I will be going to a family reunion and will most likely be trapped there for a week (we are going to an island) I really don’t want to go. I always feel so uncomfortable with my family. Like an outsider. I hate to eat around them, and I can’t be myself. I tried saying that I couldn’t make it, my mother cried. She just doesn’t see it the way I do. Now I am not saying that my family is mean or hatful tours me, that is not the case. They just don’t include me. My cousins (who are around my age) often hang out with each other, but they have never asked me. And I know it is somewhat my fault, but still, it hurts.
I have been heavy all my life. I have tried and tried to lose weight but it’s never more than 5 or 6 pounds, so what is the point? Why be hungry and unhappy when I can just be unhappy? Recently I have been coming to terms with my body, trying to be happy with who I am and blocking out what others may think about be. I am trying to be who I want me to be and not what others think I should be. Wearing what makes me happy. Doing things that I enjoy.
But still, I dreading this reunion.
Very soon I will be going to a family reunion and will most likely be trapped there for a week (we are going to an island) I really don’t want to go. I always feel so uncomfortable with my family. Like an outsider. I hate to eat around them, and I can’t be myself. I tried saying that I couldn’t make it, my mother cried. She just doesn’t see it the way I do. Now I am not saying that my family is mean or hatful tours me, that is not the case. They just don’t include me. My cousins (who are around my age) often hang out with each other, but they have never asked me. And I know it is somewhat my fault, but still, it hurts.
I have been heavy all my life. I have tried and tried to lose weight but it’s never more than 5 or 6 pounds, so what is the point? Why be hungry and unhappy when I can just be unhappy? Recently I have been coming to terms with my body, trying to be happy with who I am and blocking out what others may think about be. I am trying to be who I want me to be and not what others think I should be. Wearing what makes me happy. Doing things that I enjoy.
But still, I dreading this reunion.
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